NFL Week 5 Pick ‘Em

Week 4 Results: 8-7
Overall Results: 26-21

Week 5 Pick ‘Em:

Thursday Night:

LA Rams @ Seattle:

Seattle has had a relatively easy road thus far but this week, things get real. They play the Rams on a short week in Seattle. The Rams have had a weird year. They’re 3-1 but this last two weeks have been shaky. Over the offseason, I heard a theory that Jared Goff can’t play outside of California that I’ve been monitoring this year. I’m not sure how to explain his terrible performance against the Bucs at home last Sunday but the team needs to be better. I think Seattle steals this one, but the Rams will get it together eventually.

Sunday Morning:

Arizona @ Cincinnati:

This could be Kyler Murray’s first NFL win! This tense battle of winless teams is sure to break ratings records. I had some hope for the Bengals at the beginning of the season, but that is all but gone. I think the Cards finally win one. Man… poor Fitz. He had his chance with Kurt Warner but he’s been the shining beacon among a shitstorm of Drew Stanton’s and Carson Palmer’s… who was inducted into the Cardinals Ring of Honor last week! Carson Palmer! They only made the playoffs once with him! Larry Fitzgerald is the reason I would fight to enter players into the Hall of Fame while they’re still in the league and frankly, he deserves better than the Cardinals.

Buffalo @ Tennessee:

Is Buffalo for real? They’re the only team to reign in the Patriots this year. New England put up 33, 43, and 30 in the first 3 weeks and Buffalo held them to 16. Is their defense that good or were the Patriots just bound to have an off week? I think the Buffalo Bills might actually be good. I can’t believe I just typed that. Sure, we have no clue what we’ll get from Josh Allen every week but the dude plays hard. At this point in the season I’m usually googling synonyms for mass suicide when talking about the Bills, but they’re holding their own and they’re 3-1! If they can win this one against the Titans in Tennessee, I’ll believe they’re for real.

Chicago @ Oakland:

I can’t wait for Khalil Mack and the Chicago defense to remind Jon Gruden what he traded away. What a jackass…

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans:

The Bucs are one intentional penalty away from being 3-1. They have the best receivers in the league at this point but I still don’t understand how they win with Jameis Winston at the helm. The dude is a walking turnover. He makes throws that my wife wouldn’t make. No offense, babe. I think I have to pick Tampa Bay. Is this real life? Tampa Bay’s defense has been incredible and I think it’ll continue this weekend.

Minnesota @ NY Giants:

Daniel Jones is the real deal and the Giants have proven that they don’t need Saquon to win games. Gallman has been more than serviceable. Imagine if this team had a number one receiver for Jones to toss the ball up to? If only they hadn’t traded away OBJ… The Vikings, on the other hand, are crumbling fast and I couldn’t be more pleased to see Kirk Cousins failing. That guy is a douche. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that the Eagles demolished the Vikings in the NFC Championship game 38-7, before winning the Super Bowl in Minnesota. I hope the pictures you took off all six of your fans who made the trek to Philly in front of the Rocky statue were worth it.

NY Jets @ Philadelphia:

I just had to Google “Jets starting QB”, so that should tell you all you need to know about this one.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh:

The Pittsburgh defense doesn’t look like it used to. I think the Ravens balanced attack takes down the Steelers at home.

New England @ Washington:

Has the Washington football team really not changed its name yet? The Patriots will beat the breaks off of this team. My fantasy team thanks the Patriots defense for leading the league in interceptions and its not even close. The Pats have 10 picks and second place is held by three teams with 5 interceptions. Keep it rolling.

Jacksonville @ Carolina:

I think the Panthers are better than their record. They lost close games to the Rams and Bucs but with a healthy QB at the helm, I like their chances. Jacksonville has been a surprise to me this year, but they lose this one in a low scoring affair.

Atlanta @ Houston:

Atlanta is an a full spiral. Houston needs a good win and this will be it. Deshaun Watson’s answer to post game presser questions last week were a football fans dream. I wish all athletes explained to us what was going on like he did. Texans get the win.

Sunday Afternoon:

Denver @ LA Chargers:

Denver is another team going nowhere. I really like the Chargers this year. This shouldn’t be a tough game for LA, who I can’t stop calling San Diego. I guess old habits die hard. Chargers win in Carson to a predominantly Bronco crowd.

Green Bay @ Dallas:

This is the Super Bowl for your co-workers who don’t actually watch football. Tyron Smith’s injury could play a huge factor in this one. The Dallas defense has been solid but I think Green Bay will takeover early in this one and the Cowboys will have to lean on Dak Prescott too heavily. Packers take this one.

Sunday Night:

Indianapolis @ Kansas City:

This game might be closer than some think but ultimately Patrick Mahomes will show is why he’s the best QB in the league. This will be most of the country’s first shot to see Jacoby Brissett. Enjoy, America.

Monday Night:

Cleveland @ San Francisco:

Finally! A great game for Monday Night! I’m psyched for this one. No more birthing classes, which were great by the way. I love that the Pats gave up Jimmy G and now he’s succeeding in SF. Niners take this one at home and people start taking them seriously.

Bye Weeks: Detroit, Miami

 

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